Giving up
by Whispering Darkness
Summary: As long as I didn't turn back now I would be fine. I would be human. I would be Bella. I would be alive. And all I had to do was give up on the fairy tale that I no longer believed in. Jacob/Bella. Takes place sometime after Edward's return.
1. Prologue

**A.N:** Ever since Edward's return she'd been uncertain, no, _scared_, of the future that awaited her. What if her love for him is no longer enough?

* * *

When I approached the border of La Push I slowed my truck down to a crawl before finally stopping completely at the side of the road just before entering the reservation.

I sat there, silently, for a long moment, absently staring ahead of me, wondering if this was truly the right choice.

I could still turn back at this point.

Edward would forgive me, I knew, for what I had told him yesterday evening.

They would not be leaving Forks until next weekend and I could still join them, or convince them to stay longer.

I knew they would, if I asked them to.

I stepped out of my truck and looked behind me. Could I really do this? Could I really leave him behind as he had once left me? I gazed in the direction I had come from, searching the road, the trees and the sky for some sort of answer, but there was nothing and I sighed, turning back to my truck.

Once more I was seated in my truck, this time contemplating the opposite direction. Could I really do this? Would it really be this simple? Or would it break me, as it had broken me before?

When I broke up with Edward I had been unwavering, unyielding. I had not allowed myself to doubt or reconsider.

Ever since he had come back we had easily returned to the same path we had been on before, but this time I was far less willing to just let myself go along with the fairy tale. This time I was far less certain it would lead to a happy ending. After the heartbreak my love for him had led me to the first time I was far more hesitant to _fully_ commit myself to Edward once more. Whenever we were together it was oh so easy to let his presence soothe me and drown out all my former pain and all my current doubts but a part of me still rebelled against the fate that awaited me if I stayed with him.

It was funny, in a non-humorous sort of way, that the _change_ that I had once longed for just so that I could be with him forever had now become something that I feared.

I had already lost Edward once and it tore me apart but did I really want to loose everything and everyone else instead? Not only would I loose myself, in a way, but it would also mean that I would have to give up Charlie, Renée, Angela and everyone else who didn't know about vampires.

It would also mean the end of my friendship with Jake. He had always supported me so far, even if my actions hurt him but turning into one of his sworn enemies? I don't think he would be able to forgive me for crossing that line.

At one time I really would have given everything up just to be with Edward but he had left me then, with nothing. Or so I had believed at the time. But now I realised it hadn't been left with nothing at all; I had still had Charlie, Jacob and everyone else. I had still had my humanity; my ability to cry, to dream, to eat, to stumble, fall, bleed, and be human. And while I hadn't enjoyed any of those things at the time now they seemed too precious to me to give up.

I started up the truck again. I _could_ do this. The hardest part was already over, wasn't it? I had already broken both of our hearts when I had told him that my love for him was no longer enough.

When my truck slowed to a stop again it was in front of my best friend's house.

* * *

tbc


	2. Giving up 1

Jacob greeted me with a warm grin as he ushered me inside and I was glad that he was happy that I was here. Our friendship had become much more strained since Edward's return.

I halted at that thought, waiting for something; a gut-wrenching pain or an overwhelming guilt, but nothing happened and I took a deep breath before turning my attention back to Jake.

"So, what do you want to do today, Bells?" He asked me with a bright, almost smug grin and I wondered if he was mentally sticking it to Edward that I was here instead of with my… _boyfriend?_ That sounded like a weak description of what he had been to me. My _everything _is what he was.

Until now.

No, that's not true. Edward hadn't been my everything for a while now, not really.

He had been my world, my existence, until months _after_ he left. Up until the moment I regained a little bit of who I had been.

Until Jake.

I hadn't told Jake about my decision yet and I sincerely doubted any of the Cullen's would have. Still, I didn't feel like voicing _it_ aloud just yet. I wanted, no _needed_ to pull myself together first. I only hoped that Jake wouldn't be trying to 'steal me away' from Edward today.

If he chased me off by being too pushy or harsh I don't know where I would go.

"Uh… I don't know, just hang out, I guess." I finally answered him. I had come here mostly just so that I wouldn't change my mind. I had to see this through and the only way I would be strong enough to do that was with Jacob by my side.

Jacob happily accepted my less than thought out 'plan' and we spend the day mostly lazing about on the couch, absently watching TV and talking.

I was grateful that it was mostly 'my' Jake that sat beside me today and that the new, bolder, werewolf Jacob had yet to make an appearance. It is almost as if he could sense that I needed my best friend today and purposefully avoided any touchy subjects or arguments. Who knows? Maybe he _could_ sense it somehow. He always seemed to be able to tell when I needed him to hold me together, perhaps today was no different.

With him there it was easy to make it through the day with a smile on my face. With Jacob's sunshine warming my soul, the thought of never seeing Edward again couldn't rip me apart.

And it didn't

No giant hole opened up in my in my chest this time and a part of me wondered _why_ it didn't tear me apart to loose him once more. The greater part of me was just relieved, though.

I was ok.

I could do this.

I would not loose myself again in either Edward or the absence of Edward.

I could do this.

As long as I didn't turn back now I would be fine. I would be human. I would be Bella. I would be alive. And all I had to do was give up on the fairy tale that I no longer believed in. The thought had been _almost _unthinkable while lying in Edwards's arms, but here and now it was no longer an impossible task. Here, joking and talking with Jacob all I could feel was an immense relieve that I was still _me_.

That I could keep this.

That I could keep _him_.

That I could keep _me._

I had made my choice and I would stick to it. I had finally given Edward up.

* * *

tbc


	3. Giving up 2

I had made my choice and I would stick to it. I had finally given Edward up.

The resolution filled me with relief. All the worry, doubt, fear and heartache of the past few weeks could finally be laid to rest. It was over. No more hesitation, no more tormenting myself over what I would loose with either choice.

"I did it." I realised out loud. And then I grinned, feeling none of the pain I had expected. Instead I felt giddy and proud. "I did it!" I said again, just because it felt so good.

"What did you do, Bella?" Jake asked in confusion and I turned my grinning face in his direction.

"I broke away" I answered him, my grin dimming a little as I finally shared with him what had made me come here today. "I was so scared. I was so scared of how much it would hurt. That it would hurt just as much as before, but it doesn't. I'm ok, Jake."

My best friend did not seem to understand me "Who hurt you, Bells?" He asked me in a soft voice that gained a hint of steel at his follow-up question "Did Edward hurt you?"

The enthusiasm had fully left my voice and posture by now and I looked down, feeling almost embarrassed. "You know he did, Jake; the first time he left me." I paused and raised my head again, seeking reassurance in his eyes. "But I had been getting better, hadn't I? Before he came back?"

Jake gave me a small, pained smile and gathered me in his arms. "Yes. Yes, Bells, you were getting better."

I buried myself in his safe, warm arms. "But he came back, and I fell right back into it. And we just picked up were we left off. The plans once more in motion: moving to Alaska after graduation, becoming… one of them."

I suddenly noticed I had started crying at some point and I felt the tears silently make their way down my cheeks. "I can't do that anymore. He left me. They left me. I was so willing to become part of their family, but after they left I realised that I never really was. Sure, they did stuff for me, big things like saving me from that hunter. But that was more for Edward than for me, wasn't it?" I asked rhetorically. It felt true to me. I had never really belonged to their family. They had all left, after all, without saying goodbye. I was Edward's girl and they were Edward's family, that was all. "They did the big things, but nothing of the little things, you know?" I wasn't sure if _I _even knew what I was talking about, but I felt Jake nod as he kept silently stroking my hair.

"But Charlie. He was there. Always. And Renée may not be a model mother but she's _mine_. My childish, crazy, sister-like mother. And you Jake, and Angela, and everyone. You were there when he left and put me back together." I held him even more tightly, irrationally afraid that he would suddenly vanish now that I had put that in words. Like a fairy that disappears as soon as it has granted a wish.

"I can't leave my real family behind for _them_, Jake. Not anymore. I _can't_."

My voice was soft and shaky as I spoke the words that cemented the demise of 'Bella & Edward' "I don't want to."

"I love him, Jake. I do. But I love _me_ more." I pulled back a bit to look in his eyes "Is that wrong?"

He smiled at me then, a gentle, Jacob-y smile that set my soul at peace immediately. "No, Bells." his voice was soft and filled with warmth. "It's human."

Slowly a smile formed on my face. "Human" I breathed out and the smile grew wider and wider until I could feel it spreading through my entire body, my entire being. "I'm human, Jake." I told him, even though the words were mostly meant for myself. "I cry, and I bleed. And I fall down often because of my perpetual clumsiness and make a huge fool of myself. I can bake cookies or a pie in the most careful manner but without any supernatural grace it will be _impossible_ for me not to get out of it without looking like I've just been in a food fight." These things were usually frustrating but now they filled me with complete joy. "But when it's finished and I eat those cookies it tastes like home, and it's _worth_ it."

I shook my head at my strange way of saying what I really meant; "I'm human, Jake."

My smile suddenly faltered as I remember that that is not something that could be taken for granted, not anymore. "I don't want that to change."

I knew that if I let myself fall back into Edward's arms I would allow him to change me in a heartbeat. When he was with me, he was all of me and like a drug addict I would not be able to resist following him along the path he led me on. And I was _scared_ that I wouldn't be strong enough to resist him if I saw him again before they left.

"Promise me, Jake." I asked my best friend, completely serious. "Promise me that you won't let _me_ let him change me."

His voice was shaky when he answered, filled with unidentifiable emotions, but even though I wasn't sure what he was feeling right now, I knew that he would never break his word to me. "I promise, Bella."

I relaxed in his hold, smiling against his chest, and for the first time since the day I was left behind, alone in the forest, I felt fully at peace.


	4. Giving

I don't know how long I sat there, looking down at Bella's soft, sleeping face.

For once she looked completely at peace: her face no longer displayed any of the pain that the leech had caused her when he left her, neither did it show the inner turmoil that had so often troubled her since the bloodsucker's return. I knew how much it had been tearing her apart that we hadn't been as close since that Cullen came back. I knew she didn't want to loose me but it had been _killing_ me to see her with that leech. To have her choose him over me.

But now she had given him up. Had she really chosen _me_ this time?

That wasn't exactly what she had said, of course. She said she had chosen herself; that she didn't want to give up her family, friends and humanity for him. Not anymore.

She had chosen _life_. A life that included me. Even if she hadn't chosen _just_ _me_ it was still more than enough.

As long as she remained human. As long as she remained _Bella_.

As long as she remained a part of my life.

It was more than I could have hoped for. It was enough.

I kept looking down at the soft, small form in my arms and I just knew that I was smiling. The first long moments after our conversation I had feared that this was just a dream but the more time had passed with her snuggling into my chest the more hopeful I felt that this was really happening. That I had finally won her from that leech. Sure, she wasn't mine yet but she wasn't _his_ anymore either.

I looked up when I heard a noise outside and a few moments later the front door opened.

"Hey dad." I said quietly, not wanting to wake Bella now that I finally had her in my arms for more than a few fleeting moments.

My father looked surprised to see her there for a moment. I half expected him to ask me if something had happened but instead he asked me if I was alright.

I could not stop a large grin from conquering my face. Not that I cared too. "I'm good, dad." was all I said, but I knew he had gotten my unspoken words as well. _I'm better than I have been in a long time, since all of this werewolf and vampire stuff started. Finally, _finally_ things seem to be going right._

He smiled at me and I could see the small trace of concern that had been hidden in his eyes recede. "Glad to hear it." He looked down at Bella "does Charlie know she's here?"

I looked at the clock and noticed that dinnertime was fast approaching before shrugging my shoulders best as I could without jolting my sleeping Bells. "Don't know."

Dad nodded and picked up the phone. I absently listened in on his side of the conversation.

"Dad?" I intervened before he had gotten any further than informing Charlie where his daughter was. "Could you tell him she's staying for awhile?" Now that she was finally here I didn't want her to leave again, not yet. _Just a little bit longer, just to make sure._

My father turned to look at me, a question on his face. He must have read the answer somewhere on mine because after a second or two he turned his attention back to the phone, asking Charlie if Bella could stay for dinner, telling him I'd bring her home later.

We sat in silence for a moment, after the phone call. Dad patiently waiting for me to tell him whatever I wanted to share.

"She has finally given him up." I told him. "He can't have her now. She's human and he's… not." My voice was dark when I said that, the thought that Bella would have had to become a vampire to stay with that leech tainting my words into almost a growl.

I shook the dark thoughts off. _It would not happen._

Relief flooded me when I realised that for once it was not the lie that I kept telling myself so that I wouldn't do something I might (or might not) regret. Like attacking that leech. Like picking up my Bella, taking her away in my arms, keeping her here in La Push, where she's safe.

This time, though, it was no lie. It rang completely true.

_It would not happen._ I promised, after all.

"She gave him up" I repeated. "She said she wants to live. To be human and clumsy and _Bella_."

"She said she wants to eat homemade cookies."

The words she had spoken earlier may have been accompanied with tears but I could almost sense how much she meant them. She had been hurting, just a bit, when she told me she had let Cullen go. It hadn't broken her, though.

This time she wasn't lost without him. This time she had made her own choice.

"She wants a bright, happy future, dad."

I tightened my arms around Bella and when I spoke again it was in a strong, determined voice.

"And I'm gonna give it to her."

There were no doubts in my eyes as I told him this, and there was no doubt in my father's reply.

"I know you will, son." he answered with pride in his voice. Pride not just for me, but for the both of us. "She made a good choice."

I smiled, looking down upon the girl in my arms. The kind, awkward, sweet, clumsy and _human_ Bella that I would have given _anything_ for to save.

The strong, beautiful girl that, just when I had almost believed her to be lost to me forever, had somehow managed to save herself.

"Yes, she did." I whispered in agreement.

The three of us sat in silence for another long moment; my dad, me, and the sleeping form of my Bells, my best friend since childhood, who had finally found her way home.

* * *

End

* * *

**A.N**: *groans* Ok, maybe that was a little bit _too _cheesy. Jeez, this is the last time I try to write from a guy's point of view (heh, that's probably not true).

I _so _suck… ^-^

Hope you enjoyed this anyway,

Please tell me what you think!

Love,

Maria


End file.
